Minister for Propaganda

Styling himself a self-made man, his greatest achievement in life has been talking non-stop from 5 to 9 every evening on live national debates for 5 continuous years. But other traits distance him from even the shrewdest of statesmen.

A doctor by education, politician by profession and a Hindu in heart and soul, he calls himself secular, only as long as he is the one doing the talking. In a 40 minute debate he will speak for an hour, and then take it from one news channel to another making it seem that thousands of his debates, if the truth be told were all one; a continuation of the same debate. 

He has a golden face, round, startling eyes that resemble those of a homosexual rapist, a sadistic smile but nevertheless, he is blessed or rather in his own words, ‘Lord Ram has blessed him with a great sense of humour.’

As an official spokesperson of the Orange Regime, for him every leftist is a Chinese agent and liberals are fools wanting to build potato factories and squeeze coca cola from fruit juice.

“My sole purpose in life is Ram Mandir,” he will say with an air of spirituality whenever reporters torment him with questions about the Regime’s latest happenings.

Debate-hopping from one news channel to another, with a fake enlightened look, he has become the nation’s first and only celebrity debater who can sing, dance, jest, imitate and entertain, transforming the high-pitched, spit-spraying debates into a mini TV series worth repeating again and again.

But the most intriguing thing is that he speaks best when it is another’s turn as he was too busy chanting the team captain’s name during his turn. At times, just to deflect topics, he will make strange orgasmic sounds, he will repeat the same statement 10 times and cry out loud, “You are not allowing me to talk…you are restricting my freedom of speech!”

He will imitate an opposition leader, then stealing his voice ridicule a third person and convince the startled viewers that Lord Ram has sent him in this mortal world with a sense of purpose which is not to talk but to make sure others aren’t able to.

“Didn’t I hear you for 20 seconds?” He once asked his opponent with a wild expression in which he seemed to be molesting him not with the intolerance of his ideology but with the vulgarity of his tomato eyes.

“Now kindly hear me out for 20 minutes!!!”

Heirs of the mid-20^th century Fascist Paramilitary cheer with blind pride, each time he pins down an opponent. Ultimately, that is what they’ve been training for since 1925.

And whenever short of facts or on the verge of losing a debate, he never loses his bearings for he always carries a Brahmastra with him, and all of a sudden, ascending in state of revelation he will afflict the audience with the weight of his unbearable wisdom: “Mandir wahin banega… Mandir wahin banega!!”

“What has Mandir got to do with this debate?” once asked the bewildered anchor.

The topic was farmer crises and he was desperately trying to maintain the dignity of the debate for there wasn’t a single person present who didn’t want to strangle that singer, comedian shouting “Mandir, Mandir, Mandir!!” like an escaped lunatic.

“By Lord Ram’s blessings,” said the celebrity debater with the full belief of his Orange propaganda, “Farmers will only be happy when Lord Ram is restored to his rightful birthplace and they will never have the need to take loans!”

Everyone was disconcerted like all times, but he didn’t give them time to respond and went about with his incessant ranting.

“Mandir will solve all of nation’s problems. Mandir will restore communal harmony, secure our frontiers, generate jobs and end casteism. Not only that,” he shouted, drowning the voice of the anchor, 3 other opponents and over a 100 audiences, “Mandir will solve the Kashmir problem and will help us defeat evil men in beard!!”

“Why do you consider them evil?” someone in the crowd asked and he replied, “Because they are beef-eaters who don’t believe in the existence of my Shri Ram!”

In this way, the Orange Regime has conducted itself ever since their inception 5 years back in time, cursing every anti-regime centrist and pro-equality leftist with immediate annihilation, but unaware they are for they have already massacred a vast majority of masses who have died not with hunger or decrees or with bullets but thanks to their Minister for Propaganda, they have died just of laughter.